Being Known

After my divorce I remember sitting across from my precious counselor and telling him, "I don't want to be relearned. I'm known." Someone knew my past, my hopes for the future, someone knew me. But this past week, I've had a revelation regarding being known. Part of it began last Thursday night. I'm sitting in J. Alexanders with my best friend from middle school, who I had not seen since I moved away the beginning of my freshman year. So, we're talking quite a while. We reconnected a couple weeks ago on Facebook, of all places, and realized that we had lived forty-five minutes away from each other for the last seven years and not even known.

As we sat across from each other reconnecting and catching up on the last twenty some years we began to recount our middle school days. We laughed over her crush of Raymond Whipple, who was the "Danny Zuko" of middle school. We laughed over my beating Alan Coker for Student Council President even after he had made campaign pencils to pass out and everything. She had been my campaign manager, and we had stunk, until I gave my debate speech, read a cheesy poem I had gotten from the back of a beauty pageant program book and got the crowd on their feet. During the middle of the conversation the thought crossed my mind, "She knows you."

Friday evening I had a dinner party for one of my mentors and his wife, my pastor and his wife, and my Nashville mom and her husband. As we sat around the table and talked and laughed, I realized that these people know me at this season of my life.
Sunday afternoon a group of friends came in from Atlanta. Some I've known for years, others only a few months, but each one knows some part or piece of my life. The thing I had been afraid I had lost through the loss of my marriage, the Lord has shown me these last few days how I am known.

But it goes farther than that. There was also a moment this weekend that He once again showed me how well He knows me. And that moment this weekend, sitting on my sofa, my niece Georgia laying on the sofa beside me, the book I had just finished in my hands and the tears running down my cheeks, my Father said, "I know you so well."

Ever felt forgotten? Ever felt like someone didn't know your past, doesn't care about your future, isn't interested in your today? Ever wondered if anyone out there would even miss it if you were gone. Oh, my friend, you are so known.

You're past is known- "Before you were formed in your mother's womb I knew you."
You're future is known- "I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope."
And you are known today- this very moment- "The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."

Your being known goes even beyond the womb. Before your parents even thought of you God had designed you, destined your days, and placed before you the choice for how you and I would choose to walk those days out.

He also has plans for your future. they are plans that desire to prosper you and not to harm you. He has a future for you and a hope. We know today that earth's hope is in short supply. But heaven's hope never runs out.

He is also watching over what we do today. Our comings and our going. My friends, we are known. Every part of us is known. And we can't go to the depths of hell or despair, we can't walk through a grief too great, or a sin so overwhelming that He isn't there. We also can't experience a joy so enrapturing or a victory so great that He isn't in that too.

I don't know where you may be today. Encapsulated in grief or enraptured with joy, He is there. He's not pushy. He's not obtrusive. But He loves to be invited into your pain or into your joy. The decision is ours.

It isn't that bad to have people learn you I've discovered. It's like watching a movie for the second time with someone whose never gone before and you are able to enjoy it through their new experience of it. But it's also really nice to be known. Trust me, you've never been known this way before.

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A Second Look

Sunday afternoon I wanted to light a candle in my kitchen. I pulled open the drawer to find the lighter and couldn't find it anywhere. I had a slightly panicked moment thinking, "How am I going to light any of my candles if I can't find my lighter." That was when I noticed them sitting in the bottom of the drawer. The matches. You know, the things we use to use before lighters were made. That restaurants use to advertise on all the time. Yep, had them. Right there in the drawer, so I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life candleless. But for a fleeting moment, I honestly was thinking there was no way to light my candle except a lighter.

This isn't real different from what happens in so many moments of life. I call it the "first look." The "first look" to most situations is the view through our flesh. It's the panicked moment over the economy. It's the anger over the injustice. It's the hurt over the offense. But the beauty of relationship with Jesus provides a "second look." It provides peace when everyone else seems to be quaking in their loafers. It provides forgiveness when it's not deserved, and sometimes not even asked for. It provides us the ability to see past our offense and into the heart of our offender. Realizing that most people hurt others out of their own places of pain.

I love the picture on the cover of Savannah by the Sea. And no, that's not me. But it represents the place to me of peace. The place you and I are called to rest. The place the "second look" affords. We're told, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid" Jesus is the Prince of Peace. And He has left us with Himself. The only way you and I can lose our peace is to give it away. It cannot be taken from us. Jesus can't be taken. But we can hand over our peace.

This is a season of life where the enemy of our soul is feasting on people's "first looks." He wants to hold us there, staring at the candle with no seemingly lighter. Focused on the television with a remote control that doesn't work. But both of these are still viable. How? They have other resources of power. And so do we. We have the ultimate resource of power. Our circumstances do not define our God. Our faith will determine how He works in our life.

So, we can live in the clutches of our "first look", popping Tums, biting our nails, living with ulcers. Or we can take Savannah's attitude up there and rest in the love of our faithful Father. That even if the world feels out of control, He has never lost it.

My Valentine

This month on my singles blog, "Flying Solo", www.denisehildreth.typepad.com, we're talking about the much dreaded "single's" holiday Valentine's Day. But I bet if we were being honest, it's a dreaded holiday for a lot of people who are married as well. I have a lot of friend's who would rather spend an hour in the dentist's chair than be forced to endure another Valentine's that doesn't meet what their heart desires. The card not given, the love not displayed, the flowers wilted, the chocolate melted, the thoughtfulness non-existent, the disappointment huge.

What I've discovered however is that Valentine's is what we make of it. Last year me and two of my best friends, went to my favorite restaurant and talked and laughed for three hours. Then two of other friends happened to be there as well and sat down at our table and we talked and laughed some more. We brought each other chocolate and flowers and company. And it was one of the most wonderful Valentine's I've ever had.

This year will be much the same. A good friend, a good movie, a big Coca-Cola, but I've added something different this year. I'm mailing cards to some special people in my life. I quit mailing Christmas Cards a while back, but this year, I wanted to celebrate this day, celebrating the people who I love.

You know, I've learned through pain and heartache that no person will ever meet all of our needs. That's why their human. Yet so many people live their entire lives placing all of their expectations on living a satisfied life on how another person performs in theirs. And they spend their lives perpetually disappointed. No person will ever meet all of your needs. Your spouse can hurt you, Your children will leave you, (at least one can hope), Your friends can disappoint you, but only one will never fail.

Jesus is so cool, he knew we would have this as an issue, so he put someone with an "extreme" case right in the Bible so we could have an example. He decides to make a pit stop one day in Samaria. It's not on the agenda. Didn't google "Neat places to hang out in the area." No, He's God and He knew, this was a place He needed to go. So, He gets to Samaria, hangs out by the water cooler, or well, and waits. And that's when she shows up.

Now, she didn't come with the other women. Why? Because she's an outcast. Long since kicked out of the "girls" club. Her friends walked away. Betrayed her. Left her. Abandoned her. You pick the adjective. So, she comes by herself, in the brutal heat of the day. But this day is different. This day someone is waiting. He tells her if she knew who He was that she would ask Him for water. Because His water would allow her to never thirst again. She becomes slightly indignant, basically asking Him who He thinks He is.

Then he throws the bomb. Why don't you go get your husband? Now, don't think for a moment He asked a question because He didn't know the answer. Remember, Jesus always knows the answer. He asked the question, because just like us, we have to come to our own revelations of our own hearts before change can ever occur. People can tell us things a thousand times, but until we have our own personal revelation, change won't happen.

I can imagine her lowering her jug to her hip, dropping her head, kicking the sand with her sandal. "I don't have a husband."

"Bingo!" Well, Jesus didn't say Bingo, but he was probably thinking it. "You spoke right. In fact, you've had five! And the man you're with now isn't one of them."

Drink of me and you'll never thirst again....

So many of us have drunk at the well of relationships for so long that we don't know what we look like without one. We don't know how to be alone. How to let God love us in our deep places. We are defined by our relationships. Without be wife, husband, mother, father, boy-friend, girl-friend, we think we have no identity. Somehow, "child of God," "beloved", "daughter", "son", "precious ones", doesn't seem to be enough. Yet, we like the woman at the well, stay perpetually thirsty. We stay continually disappointed. Never quite fulfilled. Why? Because that water will always leave us thirsty. No person will ever satisfy what only God can fill. Go ahead and try if you want. And then you can try again. But trust me on this one, no person will ever satisfy what only God can fill. That's why David said, "Lord, my expectation is from you." It's not on my spouse. It's not on my children. It's not on my parents. It is on you.

You know what is so amazing about the story of the woman at the well? When she ran from the well that day to go tell the city that loathed her, rebuffed her, disregarded her, about the Jesus that had changed her life, she left her water jug. Yep, the very thing she thought she had gone there to fill up seemed useless in the light of what God had given her. I'm not going to say there will come a day when the people that we love will be irrelevant. What I am going to say is that when Jesus becomes the center of our Joy, then all of the other relationships in our life come to a place of proper perspective. And our expectation is not from them, but from God. And when He is the center, everything else works better.

Want the perfect Valentines? Place the expectations of your heart and life on your heavenly Father. He never disappoints. Then, spend the day celebrating the people you love, knowing that if they never loved you the way you desire, or maybe even the way you deserve, you are always loved to the depth of your soul by the one who matters most. Happy Valentines my friends.

25 Random Things

Okay- so Facebook has sucked me in to its lively discourse. A friend told me when I got on there, "Welcome to the vortex that is Facebook." I told her "this will not consume me!" Then I found old friends I haven't talked to in years. I found people I had gone to school with from all over and couldn't believe I had lived this long without getting on Facebook. Then, I realized how you can stay connected with people and let them know what you're doing. Then came the 25 Random Things About Me, notes that I kept getting. I was like, "I'm never doing that." Well, here I am. Doing that. I think I'm going to stop saying, "I'm never doing that." Unless of course we're talking about jumping out of planes or eating bugs. I can assure you, I'm never doing that. So, here is my contribution to the Facebook vortex. And if you're on there you're more than welcome to become my friend. Can't promise I'll always be able to respond, but I can promise that it is one of the coolest things I've ever done. Do people still say cool? Anyway, when you get through reading these, go write your own. You will find it harder than you think. I promise. The Facebook Experience 25 Random things about me. 1- I’ve never broken a bone. 2- I was born in Hagerstown, MD- It is below the Mason Dixon Line so I am southern 3- I’ve attended 10 different schools 4- I’ve lived in 13 different houses 5- I once sang both an Italian aria and a German aria for my final grade in Vocal Performance my Freshman Year at The College of Charleston. 6- I’ve visited 10 different countries. My favorite was Austria. 7- I traveled to England when I was 13 in a touring Theater Group for 3 weeks without my mother. (What was she thinking!) 8- The first man I planned on marrying was Donny Osmond. Unfortunately, he never planned on it... 9- I’m yet to decorate my own house. Going to decorate my next one! 10- I was once written up in the “criminal” section of my College Newspaper. 11- I worked for 3 years as a Senate Page for the South Carolina Senate. 12- I worked as a DJ in college for 3 years at the radio station in my hometown. 13- I once sang to “John Black” from Days of Our Lives who just got the boot! 14- I performed for two years at the Piccolo Spoleto Festival in two different plays in Charleston, South Carolina 15- I never use my first two initials together- Why you ask? Because my name is Valerie Denise… 16- I use to love to swing lizards by their tales until they fell off. I learned this from my older brother. 17- I once wanted Katie Couric’s job. Until I realized what time she had to get up. 18- If I could do any job other than what I do, I’d be a labor and delivery nurse. I was in the room for the birth of two of my nieces and it is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. 19- I was in the room when someone passed away. That too is one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen. 20- I took my driver’s test on a stick shift and have loved driving them ever since. 21- My dream is to one day to have my own piece of the world with horses and dogs and no houses within 500 acres. 22- I make the best homemade biscuits and fried chicken you’d ever want to eat. Well, after my mama. 23- I can’t stand to hear people file their nails. 24- If I were rich, the one indulgence I would give myself is having fresh flowers all the time. 25- I use to be addicted to sweat tea instead of Coca-Cola. (You just fell out of your chair didn’t you!)