As I was reading those captivating stories by a group of seventh graders I realized that there is something built into the soul of little boys and girls. Most of the boys stories were those of adventure: slaying dragons, scoring the winning goal or run in the last second of the game, landing the job of their dreams and driving the fancy cars. Most of the girls stories were about love and relationships: unrequited, newly discovered, long ago hidden. Here in lies the real difference between boys and girls whether they are twelve or eighty two.
I might have been more keenly aware of this rich distinction of the sexes because of a book I was reading. I had recently been talking to a friend who had just come back from a John Eldridge retreat and said that every woman should read "Wild at Heart." It was funny that he should mention it, because I had just been cleaning out some drawers in my guest bedroom when I ran across a copy of it stuck inside a drawer. So, it just felt like it was something that I might find intriguing and enlightening.
Many of you may have already read it since it came out in 2001, or might have heard your husband or someone else talk about it. But I always say I'm a little behind, so it's no surprise it took me seven years to pick it up. The premise of his book is that every man has a "battle to fight, a beauty to win and an adventure to live." And then he goes into detail into each of these and into the wounded heart of a man. I found the book some what of a revelation. A revelation into things inside the soul of a man I was never before aware of: the fear he has to fight through, the longing for adventure that rests inside his soul, and the desire to well, basically be James Bond. He fights the bad guy, does it all in one heck of a fancy car all while capturing the heart of the "Bond" girl. And that was all reflected in the stories of these young boys. (Well, not so much the "bond" girl stuff. They're still in the denial stage at that age. Or at least they wouldn't put it down on paper.)
But it was much more than that. It gave me an inside view into his feelings of inadequacy and doubt. How the pressure of being hero and provider and adventurer often collide with the heart of a woman to be "practical". But he also tapped into the heart of the woman as well, saying, "the deep cry of a girls heart is am I lovely?" And I so saw that cry in the stories those seventh grade girls had written. They were longing to know if they were lovely, cherished, valued. Those things are in the core of who each of us is. Men long to know they are the hero of the story. Women long to know that they are worth a hero coming for them.
Yet, what I've discovered on my own personal journey is that we are all flawed creatures looking for infallibility in people. We are looking for something perfect in imperfection, trying to dip into a well to fill us up, forgetting that well also has to go somewhere for its supply. No one person can ever meet all of our needs. It's impossible. That's why we have to be people whose core, whose very center is filled with that which is eternal. Because it is only that which is eternal that can truly fulfill. That's why David in the Psalms said, "My expectation is from you." When our expectation is laid on the creator of our soul and expectation is removed from a human life, we can truly live in a satisfied relationship.
But honestly, even more than the man, woman stuff, it was the last chapter that really resounded with me. Maybe it's because I'm in that "adventure to live" place in my own life. I've been learning how to feel alive, and completely connect with the people and the joys that each moment offers me. But he says, "I want to live my whole life like that [hurling myself into the middle of what life has to offer]. I want to love with much more abandon and stop waiting for others to love me first. I want to hurl myself into a creative work worthy of God. I want to charge the fields at Banockburn, follow Peter as he followed Christ out onto the sea, pray from my heart's true desire."
Now, I don't necesarilly have a great need to "charge" anything, not even a credit card, if I'm being completely honest with you, I hate debt and pain. But I do want to live my life recklessly abandoned to a cause deeper and richer and greater than myself, touching people in their most broken places.
I was sitting in church the other day and we had a pastor in from a church in downtown Nashville, who has a group of women in his church who are making up gift bags with jewelry and lotions and perfumes and all kinds of goodies and then going into the strip clubs at night, before they open and presenting it to the ladies who work there. They are telling them of their value and their worth. All I could think is, "I want to do that!" Those are the adventures I want to live. The adventures that capture the hearts of broken people.
Eldridge goes on to ask a question to the men in the final chapter, but I believe it is a question that can be asked of both men and women. "What is written on your heart? What makes you come alive? If you could do what you've always wanted to do, what would it be? You see, a man's [woman's] calling is written on his/her true heart, and he/she discovers it when he/she enters the frontier of his/her deep desires. To paraphrase Bailie, don't ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive because what the world needs are men/women who have come alive."
I couldn't agree more...
I recommend this book for any man, husband, wife or woman. I also recommend this book for mother's or father's of boys. What a revelation if young men could capture these truths in the very peak of their shaping, it would redefine their manhood, allowing them to embrace it and enjoy it. I also think this is a valuable book for mother's and father's of little girls allowing them to understand the heart of a man and how God formed it and how her expectation has to be from Him.
I'll end with Eldridge's words, "A man is never more a man than when he embraces an adventure beyond his control, or when he walks into a battle he isn't sure of winning." I believe this is the essence of faith. And I think faith is what makes this entire journey such an amazing, wonderful adventure!
I might have been more keenly aware of this rich distinction of the sexes because of a book I was reading. I had recently been talking to a friend who had just come back from a John Eldridge retreat and said that every woman should read "Wild at Heart." It was funny that he should mention it, because I had just been cleaning out some drawers in my guest bedroom when I ran across a copy of it stuck inside a drawer. So, it just felt like it was something that I might find intriguing and enlightening.
Many of you may have already read it since it came out in 2001, or might have heard your husband or someone else talk about it. But I always say I'm a little behind, so it's no surprise it took me seven years to pick it up. The premise of his book is that every man has a "battle to fight, a beauty to win and an adventure to live." And then he goes into detail into each of these and into the wounded heart of a man. I found the book some what of a revelation. A revelation into things inside the soul of a man I was never before aware of: the fear he has to fight through, the longing for adventure that rests inside his soul, and the desire to well, basically be James Bond. He fights the bad guy, does it all in one heck of a fancy car all while capturing the heart of the "Bond" girl. And that was all reflected in the stories of these young boys. (Well, not so much the "bond" girl stuff. They're still in the denial stage at that age. Or at least they wouldn't put it down on paper.)
But it was much more than that. It gave me an inside view into his feelings of inadequacy and doubt. How the pressure of being hero and provider and adventurer often collide with the heart of a woman to be "practical". But he also tapped into the heart of the woman as well, saying, "the deep cry of a girls heart is am I lovely?" And I so saw that cry in the stories those seventh grade girls had written. They were longing to know if they were lovely, cherished, valued. Those things are in the core of who each of us is. Men long to know they are the hero of the story. Women long to know that they are worth a hero coming for them.
Yet, what I've discovered on my own personal journey is that we are all flawed creatures looking for infallibility in people. We are looking for something perfect in imperfection, trying to dip into a well to fill us up, forgetting that well also has to go somewhere for its supply. No one person can ever meet all of our needs. It's impossible. That's why we have to be people whose core, whose very center is filled with that which is eternal. Because it is only that which is eternal that can truly fulfill. That's why David in the Psalms said, "My expectation is from you." When our expectation is laid on the creator of our soul and expectation is removed from a human life, we can truly live in a satisfied relationship.
But honestly, even more than the man, woman stuff, it was the last chapter that really resounded with me. Maybe it's because I'm in that "adventure to live" place in my own life. I've been learning how to feel alive, and completely connect with the people and the joys that each moment offers me. But he says, "I want to live my whole life like that [hurling myself into the middle of what life has to offer]. I want to love with much more abandon and stop waiting for others to love me first. I want to hurl myself into a creative work worthy of God. I want to charge the fields at Banockburn, follow Peter as he followed Christ out onto the sea, pray from my heart's true desire."
Now, I don't necesarilly have a great need to "charge" anything, not even a credit card, if I'm being completely honest with you, I hate debt and pain. But I do want to live my life recklessly abandoned to a cause deeper and richer and greater than myself, touching people in their most broken places.
I was sitting in church the other day and we had a pastor in from a church in downtown Nashville, who has a group of women in his church who are making up gift bags with jewelry and lotions and perfumes and all kinds of goodies and then going into the strip clubs at night, before they open and presenting it to the ladies who work there. They are telling them of their value and their worth. All I could think is, "I want to do that!" Those are the adventures I want to live. The adventures that capture the hearts of broken people.
Eldridge goes on to ask a question to the men in the final chapter, but I believe it is a question that can be asked of both men and women. "What is written on your heart? What makes you come alive? If you could do what you've always wanted to do, what would it be? You see, a man's [woman's] calling is written on his/her true heart, and he/she discovers it when he/she enters the frontier of his/her deep desires. To paraphrase Bailie, don't ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive because what the world needs are men/women who have come alive."
I couldn't agree more...
I recommend this book for any man, husband, wife or woman. I also recommend this book for mother's or father's of boys. What a revelation if young men could capture these truths in the very peak of their shaping, it would redefine their manhood, allowing them to embrace it and enjoy it. I also think this is a valuable book for mother's and father's of little girls allowing them to understand the heart of a man and how God formed it and how her expectation has to be from Him.
I'll end with Eldridge's words, "A man is never more a man than when he embraces an adventure beyond his control, or when he walks into a battle he isn't sure of winning." I believe this is the essence of faith. And I think faith is what makes this entire journey such an amazing, wonderful adventure!
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2 comments:
loved this post!
What a beautiful idea - taking gifts to the strippers.
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