The Difficult Questions-Song/I will Remember You

Sunday morning I woke up and cut on the television and my man Tim wasn't there. His friends were. They were remembering him. But his chair sat empty as the backdrop. I couldn't watch the entire program because I had to head to church so I recorded the last part. As I climbed into bed Sunday evening and watched the ending I cried thinking I wouldn't get to see that big burly bear, with the smile that made you feel like you knew him, again. And I wondered who would fill his chair? Or better yet, who could fill his chair?

Driving home last night, pondering today's blog, I thought of all the things I'd heard people say about Tim over the weekend. There was the "straight shooter", "consummate family man", "Buffalo Bills fan", "Most prepared", " Amazing Researcher", "Fair", and the one that struck me most, "Not afraid to ask the difficult questions." His son said he was the "questionnaire of the American People."

I think the reason so many people liked him was because you didn't really know where his political views fell. Because no matter your political tilt he wouldn't hold back on what he would ask you and you could rest assured he had done his research. He said about himself, probably because of his legal background, that whatever position his guest had, he would take the opposite.

Another thing I noticed is that not one bad thing was said about him. In this media, right-left world, here was a man, entrenched in the middle of it all, and the smell of smoke wasn't even on his clothes. Pretty amazing. Pretty challenging.

So, with the sunroof opened last night and the windows rolled down, I began to ask myself, "Denise, are you willing to ask the tough questions of others? Better yet, are you willing to ask the tough questions of yourself?"

I'm not crazy about asking tough questions. Of myself or others. Not real interested in conflict. I'm the peacemaker type. "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" So, I always try to find mama and make sure she's happy! But there are seasons where the difficult questions must be asked. And if they aren't, something will be lost because of it.

Do you have anyone in your life asking you the hard questions? Do you have anyone close enough, who loves you enough, to get into your stuff, or to challenge your rough places? I've found these are essential to growth. Allowing the few who know us in our deep places, get into our deep places, is necessary for true growth. I've always said, "If a man isn't willing to learn, then I don't want him on my team."

I have a couple very close friends who can get up in my grill. My first reaction often, is to bristle. I don't like it. I want to defend myself. Explain all the reasons why my way was the best way. I often retreat even. Sometimes to sulk, but always to think. And after thinking, weighing their words, I'm usually struck by their profound wisdom and insight. And I'm always reminded that it came through their love.

And can we ask the difficult question of ourselves? I've found myself doing this so much over the last year especially. The David prayer, "The search me oh God, try me and see if there be any wicked way in me." And I always throw in "And then get it out!" You know what I've found out happens when we pray this prayer. Going back to the heart of our daddy from our last post, is that God is usually very gracious in His dealings with us, when we come to Him with a heart desiring to be searched. Desiring to be known. Desiring to be changed.

He is the gentle prodder. I say God often tugs me, and it's usually in a direction opposite of the one I'm headed. He nudges me over that impatience at the drive-thru window. He tugs me over that pride that continually tries to push its way to the surface and demand its way. He presses me over my fears, reminding me that when I'm fearing, there is no way I can be trusting. And after he nudges, or tugs, or presses, He usually bandages whatever wound has been made, props me up on his knee and lets me hang out there until all the tears are gone and I realize all this is for my good.

It's time we asked the "tough questions" of ourselves and others. In this generation where anything goes, nothing is sacred and the motto of life is "Have it Your way", someone needs to. And I think we can learn something from how Tim did it. We can do it fairly, respectfully, and honestly.

One day our chair will be empty. One day people will assess how we walked through this life. Maybe not by spending a weekend on television talking about us, but I bet we'll be the topic of conversation over a lot of dinner tables. What will they say? What will the consensus be?

"She was so bitter. She never would let go of that one." "He was so angry. Don't think I ever saw him that he wasn't fussing about something." "She was so insecure. She never saw the value inside of her." "He was so jealous. Never could be happy for anyone else's successes."

Or could they say, "Oh, that girl. I'll never forget the time she challenged me to come up higher." "Yes, he was an amazing man of character. I never once saw him compromise his integrity." "She was always learning. Never settling for anything less than the best for her life and the life of those around her."

Trust me they'll talk. Don't believe me? Then, ask God if you can eavesdrop. I'm sure you'll get an ear full. The good thing is we're still here. If you're reading this, you're still here! That means we still have the opportunity to ask the difficult questions. What would the world be today, if everyone was willing to do something so brave?